


First Words

by Ima1



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Emma Swan Being an Idiot, F/F, Swan-Mills Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 21:16:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11609121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ima1/pseuds/Ima1
Summary: "Regina has one rule. Well okay, she has many, many rules. But one of them is definitely topping all other rules at the moment. Do not swear in front of the babies.So, naturally, what does Emma do? Yup, your guess would be correct."





	First Words

**Author's Note:**

> Let's just ignore most of the show and pretend Emma and Regina got married and had two adorable twin girls.  
> Any comments are more than welcome!

Regina has one rule. Well okay, she has many, _many_ rules. But one of them is definitely topping all other rules at the moment. _Do not_ swear in front of the babies.

So, naturally, what does Emma do? Yup, your guess would be correct.

But, in her defense, it was a complete accident. Fair enough, she does kinda, sorta, maybe have what could be described (and has been many times by her wife) as a potty mouth, but sometimes things just happen and words just come out of your mouth without your control. Like when you stub your pinky toe in the sharpest corner ever made for a coffee table's leg. And you're barefoot. Not even comfy socks on for protection. And you were running after two little twelve-month-olds.

So really, it's not exactly Emma's fault that the word 'fuck' just sputtered out of her mouth the minute she felt the agonizing pain.

Though it could be said (and will be by Regina, _repeatedly_ ) that she had twelve months, plus nine months of pregnancy in which swear words were also a big no-no near the belly ("Emma, did you know water carries sound? And fetuses can hear? I will not have your foul mouth uttering those words to our unborn children"), in order to control said foul mouth and learn to avoid the big bad swear words.

But. But, come _on_ , do babies really grasp any of what you say in front of them? Isn't it all just gibberish to them?

Well, apparently...not so much. Which she might have known if she'd listened to all that baby talk from Regina, or read the books more carefully, or raised Henry. But she didn't, because the first two were boring and the third she doesn't like to dwell on.  
  
So, obviously, as is her luck, she's play running after her little wobbling twin daughters in the living room, who have just learned how to walk but still haven't uttered any word (despite the ongoing competition for mommy vs mama which Emma was totally convinced she would win because mama is just a few syllables short of they're usual 'mamamama' gibberish), when she has to stub her stupid toe and break Regina's big rule.

And then, because, again, _obviously_ , she's screaming and jumping up and down in pain and her little devil spawns (or were they not half evil queen babies) decide it's the funniest thing they've seen all day and little miss smarty pants Evelyn decides the word 'fuck' is suddenly way easier to say than mama, or mommy.  She'd even be happy to let Regina win that one, anything but the little word that comes out of her mouth in a giggle.

"Fuck!"

And then even the stabbing pain is momentarily forgotten at the utter horror Emma is feeling at the moment. Because the only thought going through her head at the moment is "Regina is going to literally kill me, and slowly too, fireball after fireball".

And, naturally, upon seeing her mother's horror-stricken face, the little evil queen spawn laughs even more and keeps repeating the word until she gets the pronunciation so correct that there will be no trying to trick Regina.

But of course, the big idiot she is (as Regina has told her a thousand times), she quickly recovers from her shock and goes into panic mode.

And what does Emma Swan do in panic mode?

Yup, she swears.

" _Shit_! Holly shit, crap, crap, mother fucking crapping shit! Regina is going to kill me!"

And, obviously, evil queen spawn number two decides she will not be upbeat by her sister and apparently 'shit' is just as easily pronounceable to a little thing who was just mumbling 'dadadas' for the past months.

"Kate! What the hell?! Are you two trying to get me killed?"

And they laugh, of course, evil spawn one and two, and the more Emma freaks out the more they giggle and run around the living room spurting out their new favorite words.

So Emma, naturally freaking out more and more by the hour considering Regina should be back from work soon, tries to do damage control and grabs the two little monsters, puts them each on one lap and does what any desperate parent would do.

She begs and bribes.

"Katie, Ev, how about we try a new word and if you get it right I'll give you some candy?"

Smart things they are, and with Emma's love for food, they look at her avidly. Taking that for acquiescence Emma smiles and says, "How about we surprise mommy, huh? She'll be so happy if you can say mommy? Think you can do it? Come on, mo-mmy, mo-mmy," she repeats on a loop sounding (and looking) almost demented while the two of them give her identical blank looks.

Feeling like an utter failure and a dead woman walking Emma is about to give up when she hears the front door open and her wife's signature heals clicking on the marble floor.

"Darling?" Regina asks from the hallway like she usually does, trying to dis earn her wife's location.

Trembling like a leaf, and even more scared than when she faced Maleficent in dragon form, Emma swallows hard and utters a timid, "In the living room, babe."

She puts the babies on the floor so they can run to their mother as they do every day, and Emma nearly faints in relief when both of them shout "Mommy!" as soon as Regina walks into the room and they latch on to her legs.

Regina's smile is brighter then words and she looks at Emma in wonder with teary eyes. Emma smiles back, mostly an overcompensating smile full of relief and she's about to pat herself on her back and think that she might just get away with this and pretend mommy was their babies' first words when little Kate trips on Regina's feet and falls back on her bum and of course, but of course it could only be Emma's luck that she mutters a pouty 'shit'. Which in turn makes Evelyn bust out laughing and start singing fuck-fuck-fuck as if it's her favorite song.

Regina's eyes widen in shock as she looks from her daughters to Emma and then her expression slowly transforms into pure fury and Emma instinctively flinches preparing for the slaughter and she just knows: she's dead meat.

Dead woman walking. Well, more like, strategically stepping away from her executioner while she's surrounded by two adorable attention seeking toddlers who will, hopefully, distract her for long enough for the slaughter to begin.

Good thing the couch is comfy.


End file.
